October 14, 2023
Dear Parents,
I hope the Online Class and Self-Study Day went according to our plan and no major inconveniences were experienced. We have the next one coming up on Wednesday, November 01, 2023.
Just wanted to give you an update on what we did on Thursday, October 05, 2023 from 11.00am -1.30pm. The SEL Team worked with their respective Year Group Teachers to
identify links between our curriculum and textbooks and SEL Goal 1 derived from the widely recognised SEL Core Competencies. Let me tell you what these are:
1. Self-Awareness 2. Self-Management 3. Social Awareness 4. Relationship Skills and 5. Responsible Decision Making
These five core competencies are the basis for three Goals that we will work on over the next couple of years: Self-Awareness and Self-Management make up Goal 1 which we are focusing on for now.
Goal 1: Students will develop self-awareness and self-management skills to achieve school and life success.
Parents, can you please do some self-reflection on Goal 1 and provide the back-up at home, for what we are trying to achieve in school.
The Performance Descriptors for Goal 1 are: Students are able to accurately recognize their emotions, effectively manage them, and constructively express them. They are able to handle stress, control impulses, and motivate themselves to persevere in overcoming obstacles. They value their inherent worth as a person, accurately assess their abilities and interests, build their strengths, and are able to locate, access, evaluate, and make effective use of family, school, and community resources. They are able to establish academic and personal goals and monitor their progress toward achieving them.
Parenting in the 21 Century: We Understand thatbeing a good parent these days can feel like an impossible achievement and your child’s well-being is at stake. Raising children in this day and age requires a different skill-set. And then there is the Internet and social-media, which adds another layer of complexity to our already difficult task. We read a lot about Gen Z and how they think and behave differently. Those of you in the workforce probably experience this too. Anyway, no one can be “perfect” and it will serve us well to remember that we are all human and that no teacher is perfect, no parent is perfect and no child is, or can be perfect. However, we can all try to be our best selves as we go about our jobs of teaching and parenting our wonderful children, while they go about their job of learning and making sense of this world they have been born into.
Good parenting skills prioritize a child’s safety, security, and physical and emotional well-being. If we can ensure this, it will help our children grow up with a positive, healthy sense of self-worth, compassion and trust in the world around them. In other words, good parenting skills help children to become healthy, well-adjusted adults who treat themselves and others well.
Some Parenting Tips for You: All of us want to raise healthy, happy, successful children. But that’s easier said than done. At one time or another, anyone who parents will experience a moment where they feel too exhausted, frustrated, and emotionally depleted to be the best parent they can be. And that’s okay. As I said earlier, we are all human J And there is no one right or best or perfect way to raise our children.
There is a wide range of parenting skills that we can choose to apply. Based on our culture, our values and belief systems, and experiences of how we were raised, we decide how we will raise our children. Having said that, there are some universal Do’s and Don’ts based on the science of Adolescent Development. And we must try and remember that our children are growing up in an era that is very, very, different from the one we grew up in and also we are defining “success” for our children very differently from what our parents expected from us.
The Tips below are based on a combination of expert advice, things that appear to be most effective, and the things most parents actually do. I myself followed most of these tips in parenting my daughter many years ago.
1. Love & Affection: This includes unconditional love, physical affection, praise and approval and quality time together. Love should not depend on conditions like, if you get good marks, or if you do this or that. Love for a child should be separate from your expectations.
2. Stress Management: Through regulating your own nervous system as well as your child’s, including practicing and teaching effective ways to relax and express emotions in a healthy manner.
3. Spirituality: Prayers, respect for nature, the quality of being concerned with the human soul as opposed to material or physical things, in a measured way. Spirituality is linked to stress management as well. Going outdoors, potting some plants, looking up at the vast universe created by Allah makes us realise how insignificant we are in the larger scheme of things. Doing some voluntary work, helping others, being of service to others does wonders for the soul.
4. Prioritizing Education and Learning: By allowing your child to explore their curiosities, answering their questions in age-appropriate ways, as well as providing appropriate educational opportunities for them.
5. Relationship Skills: Showing respect and care for your child even in conflict situations which can get highly charged, will help her see and learn how to manage relationships. Modelling positive relationships with each other and the extended family is important for your child to feel emotionally safe.
6. Encouraging Autonomy and Independence: Treating your child with respect and high regard and supporting them to act independently even in small ways, will help build her confidence, self-esteem and independence. Autonomy is a critical part of learning for all children.
7. Modelling Life Skills: You could model life skills for your children, such as: How to take care of themselves physically. How to stay safe. How to manage their time. How to manage money and finances. How to solve everyday problems. How to get and stay organised.
8. Behaviour Management: Using positive reinforcement, rather than punishment goes a long way in helping children manage their behaviour. Talking through behaviour issues calmly, giving alternative ways of behaviour is more helpful for children.
9. Supporting Health: Paying attention to physical and emotional health practices for both you and your child are very important. Please don’t neglect yourself or your child’s complaints about aches and pains or feelings of illness.
10. Ensuring your Child’s Safety: Provide a safe space for your child so that she knows she can talk to you without being judged or punished. Be aware of her activities, behaviours and friendships – talk to her about your own day and what you did and your friends. This will open up a space for her to confide in you and communication between you and your child will become easier.
Some of you may already be using the above methods and some may need to begin thinking about this. Adopting some of these tips for your family may take a little adjusting, but stay with it, and you will see and love the results. When we take compassion and kindness with some firmness into parenting practices, we will have much better outcomes and the whole family will be happier and healthier.
Please Don’t ever give up on your child!
All of your child’s problems can be worked through with humour, goodwill and perseverance. With proper parental support, even the most troublesome children can become amazing people. I have experienced it time and again. Trust me.
One last word J I just cannot resist sharing the 4Cs of parenting.
The 4 Cs of Parenting
In addition to parenting skills that have been proven to be effective, there are also the 4 Cs of parenting. The 4 Cs of parenting are guiding principles to simplify the responsibilities of a parent. They include care, consistency, choice, and consequences.
Consistency
Stability in routine, environment, and behaviour. Children need a stable home environment to feel confident and secure. They need consistency to remain trusting of their caretakers.
Choice
This means allowing your child to become independent through the ability to make their own age-appropriate decisions and explore the world around them.
Care
A parent’s willingness to express affection and unconditional love for the child, accept the child for who they are, and support them in their growth and development
Consequences
Natural occurrences that result from a choice or action. Children need to learn that their behaviours have consequences in order to inform their future behaviours.
Mahenaz Mahmud
Team Leader SEL
PECHS Girls’ School