Welcome to our school community hub for SEL! This space on our website has been built just for you. We invite you to send us your questions on parenting and the wellbeing and social-emotional learning of your children.
Your questions will help us understand your concerns – our SEL Team will do its best to respond to your queries within a couple of days. So please share your worries and let us build understanding together.
This page is dedicated to SEL, and we would appreciate only SEL related questions here. As you already know, you can direct all other queries to info@pechsgs.edu.pk
We look forward to hearing from you. So Ask Away!
I truly appreciate this platform for giving parents like us a space to ask questions and seek guidance about our children.
I have a few concerns about my daughter’s behaviour that I would really like the experts to guide me on. She seems to lack empathy. When someone is hurt or crying, it doesn’t make her sad, or maybe she just doesn’t know how to show it. Sometimes she even laughs, and even though we constantly explain to her that it’s not right, it feels like it’s not reaching her, and that really worries me as a parent.
Secondly, I feel she struggles a lot with managing her emotions. She gets angry over very small things and sometimes starts shouting. We always try to teach her to be polite and calm, but sometimes it feels like we are failing or not able to reach her the way we want to.
And lastly, she has very little patience, which is also affecting her studies. This makes me anxious about her future and her emotional well-being.
Kindly guide us on how to handle these situations and how to help our daughter become more emotionally balanced and understanding
Dear Sehrish,
You have asked us a lot of questions in one go 🙂 I will respond to your empathy question here. Perhaps we can talk face to face about the rest, at a later stage.
Let us have a brief look at Empathy. Simply put, it is the ability to see things from another’s perspective and feel their emotions – it’s like putting yourself in another person’s shoes. It isn’t only about empathising with someone’s difficulties; it is also about feeling and being happy for another person’s joy or excitement about something.
You must have observed that children are very concerned about justice. We often hear them say, “That’s not fair!” They love to figure out what is right and wrong and that is a good thing. Don’t miss moments when something like this comes up – discuss the issue and the feelings with your daughter and also share what feels right for you and ask your daughter what feels right or wrong to her.
Read stories together, watch films together and talk about the fictional characters and situations in the story. You can say something like, “Oh, she looks really excited – how can you tell when someone is excited? Or happy, or sad. These experiences will help her learn to read others’ emotions. Share your own feelings. You can say something like: “I’m feeling so sad for this cat/dog/elephant because she/he looks upset/hungry. Can you think of something we can do to help?” “This plant is looking really droopy and sad. What can we do to make it feel better?” Show your concern.
When you are talking to your daughter, practice empathic listening. This means, concentrate on not talking while she is talking/sharing something with you. Maintain good eye contact. Remain interested. Don’t rush her. When she is done, identify or reflect her feelings, such as, “You sound upset. Is there anything I can do to help?” or “You sound really happy/excited about this. Do you want to share something more!” “You sound angry about this. Have you thought about what you can do about it?” “Is there something I can do to help?” “Will a hug make you feel better?”
Most of us have been taught that showing our own vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Opening up to others, trusting them to listen and accept us and our flaws requires courage. Being empathetic requires us to make ourself vulnerable. When we hide behind a mask of indifference, we make it harder for other people to trust or understand us. Also, we hold ourselves back from feeling and understanding the full range of other people’s emotions. How about taking some time to reframe how you think of vulnerability?
You could begin to speak up. Ease into it. If you have a hard time talking about your emotions or voicing your needs, just take things one step at a time. Tell your loved ones how you’re truly feeling. This requires you to reflect on your own emotional state as well as practice being open with others. The more you talk about emotions, the more comfortable you’ll become. You’ll also notice that other people will be more willing to open up to you in return. You can do this with your daughter so that she understands that it is okay to share emotions and that her mother also feels the same feelings. You can say to her, “Can we go for a walk together this evening? Walking helps me feel less stressed.”
I hope this helps!
Mahenaz Mahmud
SEL Team Leader
Guide me about dealing with my preteen’s behaviour changes, like sibling rivalry & seeking attention. Is it ok? Will it go away?
Dear Mrs. Afnan,
As parents, it is important for us to understand the changes our children go through during their preteen (between 9 and 12) years.
During this stage, children go through physical changes due to puberty, begin to think more deeply and logically, and show greater interest in friendships and peer acceptance. They seek more independence, start developing their own identity, and may experience mood swings and they test our boundaries as parents.
As preteens go through strong emotions, changes in their bodies, and a growing need to fit in their own peer group, they often find it harder to manage their feelings. At the same time, they still need reassurance, attention, and fairness from us parents.
When there are siblings, they often feel they have to compete for their parents’ attention or feel compared to each other. This can lead to jealousy, anger, withdrawal, testing limits, or frequent arguments with siblings. If these feelings are not addressed, sibling rivalry can increase stress and affect a child’s behaviour, confidence, school performance and overall well-being.
Here are some suggestions for you:
Listen to your child: Set aside 15-20 minutes daily to listen to your daughter without judging her. Show interest in her thoughts and feelings.
Avoid Comparison: Please avoid comparing your children with each other. This often lowers confidence and increases sibling rivalry.
For example, avoid saying, “Your sister always gets better grades than you. Why don’t you work harder?” What can you say instead? Try this: “I can see you are improving, and I’m proud of your effort.”
Or, if you catch yourself wanting to say, “Your sister is more responsible than you.”
Say instead: “ I’ve observed that you are really learning to take responsibility – doesn’t that feel good!”
No two children are the same – each one has different strengths. Please try and adjust your expectations, identify these and appreciate your daughter for her own personal interests and strengths.
Set Rules and Consequences: Set clear and consistent age-appropriate rules that apply equally to all the children/siblings. Consequences should focus on learning and not just punishment. Explain to siblings of varying age groups that they will have to understand that some rules and consequences will be the same for all and some will be different. Having said that, do try and be fair to older children and to daughters if their siblings are brothers.
Begin with these suggestions for now. Different children respond differently and we may need different strategies for your preteen.
Your daughter is probably seeking attention, because she needs your approval and appreciation. Oftentimes we carry negative feelings for our siblings into adulthood – sibling rivalry can go away when siblings feel they are being heard fairly, loved unconditionally and appreciated for who they are.
Bushra Nasir
HM Secondary Section
Years 6 – 10
I don’t know when a situation is a normal childhood interaction and when it’s bullying. When should I worry? How can I help my child
Child’s Name: Zunairah Faridi
Year and Section: 4A
Dear Parent,
In today’s context, children often label teasing, disagreements, or quarrels as bullying. However, it is important to understand the distinction between them, as each carries a very different meaning and impact.
Disagreements: When children interact, they naturally have different opinions, which may result in disagreements. This is very normal because no two people think exactly alike. In fact, healthy disagreements encourage critical thinking and allow children to express their viewpoints openly instead of simply agreeing for the sake of agreement. What we need to teach children is how to present their opinions respectfully and, at the same time, how to listen to and value the perspectives of others.
Teasing: Teasing refers to making fun of someone, whether playfully or in a hurtful manner, often through persistent comments or jokes. While light-hearted teasing among friends can sometimes be harmless, it can easily cross the line and become upsetting or damaging. This is why children should be guided to communicate clearly—if they do not like being teased, they must say so directly, so the other person understands their feelings. Equally important, children should be reminded that if they themselves dislike being teased, they should not tease others. Treating others the way we would like to be treated is a principle we emphasize strongly.
Bullying: Bullying is very different from both disagreements and teasing. It is repeated, intentional behaviour by an individual or group, aimed at hurting, intimidating, or exerting power over someone who feels unable to defend themselves. Unlike a one-time disagreement or playful banter, bullying creates a harmful imbalance of power and can seriously damage a child’s social, emotional, and even academic well-being. It requires immediate attention and intervention.
For a more detailed understanding, please click on this link: https://pechsgs.edu.pk/anti-bullying-policy/
As educators and parents, it is our shared responsibility to help children recognize these differences, develop empathy, and build respectful relationships. By doing so, we empower them to stand up for themselves and others in positive, constructive ways.
Saima Shiraz
HM Primary Section
Years 1-5