October 14, 2023
Dear Parents,
I hope the Online Class and Self-Study Day went according to our plan and no major inconveniences were experienced. We have the next one coming up on Wednesday, November 01, 2023.
Just wanted to give you an update on what we did on Thursday, October 05, 2023 from 11.00am -1.30pm. The SEL Team worked with their respective Year Group Teachers to identify links between our curriculum and textbooks and SEL Goal 1 derived from the widely recognised SEL Core Competencies. Let me tell you what these are:
1. Self-Awareness 2. Self-Management 3. Social Awareness 4. Relationship Skills and 5. Responsible Decision Making
These five core competencies are the basis for three Goals that we will work on over the next couple of years: Self-Awareness and Self-Management make up Goal 1 which we are focusing on for now.
Goal 1: Students will develop self-awareness and self-management skills to achieve school and life success.
Parents, can you please do some self-reflection on Goal 1 and provide the back-up at home, for what we are trying to achieve in school.
The Performance Descriptors for Goal 1 are: Students are able to accurately recognize their emotions, effectively manage them, and constructively express them. They are able to handle stress, control impulses, and motivate themselves to persevere in overcoming obstacles. They value their inherent worth as a person, accurately assess their abilities and interests, build their strengths, and are able to locate, access, evaluate, and make effective use of family, school, and community resources. They are able to establish academic and personal goals and monitor their progress toward achieving them.
Parenting in the 21 Century: We Understand thatbeing a good parent these days can feel like an impossible achievement and your child’s well-being is at stake. Raising children in this day and age requires a different skill-set. And then there is the Internet and social-media, which adds another layer of complexity to our already difficult task. We read a lot about Gen Z and how they think and behave differently. Those of you in the workforce probably experience this too. Anyway, no one can be “perfect” and it will serve us well to remember that we are all human and that no teacher is perfect, no parent is perfect and no child is, or can be perfect. However, we can all try to be our best selves as we go about our jobs of teaching and parenting our wonderful children, while they go about their job of learning and making sense of this world they have been born into.
Good parenting skills prioritize a child’s safety, security, and physical and emotional well-being. If we can ensure this, it will help our children grow up with a positive, healthy sense of self-worth, compassion and trust in the world around them. In other words, good parenting skills help children to become healthy, well-adjusted adults who treat themselves and others well.
Some Parenting Tips for You: All of us want to raise healthy, happy, successful children. But that’s easier said than done. At one time or another, anyone who parents will experience a moment where they feel too exhausted, frustrated, and emotionally depleted to be the best parent they can be. And that’s okay. As I said earlier, we are all human J And there is no one right or best or perfect way to raise our children.
There is a wide range of parenting skills that we can choose to apply. Based on our culture, our values and belief systems, and experiences of how we were raised, we decide how we will raise our children. Having said that, there are some universal Do’s and Don’ts based on the science of Child Development. And we must try and remember that our children are growing up in an era that is very, very, different from the one we grew up in and also we are defining “success” for our children very differently from what our parents expected from us.
The Do’s and Don’ts below are based on a combination of expert advice, things that appear to be most effective, and the things most parents actually do. I myself followed most of these tips in parenting my daughter many years ago.
1. Give your child lots of nurturing physical attention: It seems simple, but children like hugs, cuddles and holding hands. Show them the affection they desire. If they aren’t overly affectionate, that’s okay. Know how your child likes to be nurtured and comforted and do it that way.
2. Offer a variety of activities for them to do: Children are more likely to misbehave when they are bored, so provide lots of engaging indoor and outdoor activities for your child such as reading, nature walks, games, puzzles, help with age appropriate house-hod chores
3. Set clear limits on your child’s behaviour: Sit down and have a family discussion on the family rules in your home. Let your child know what the consequences will be if they break the rules. Rules should be few, fair, easy to follow and enforceable. For example: Stay close to me when we are in the mall/store. No running around and screaming when we are in a public space, like a restaurant/café / shop. Use a pleasant voice when you talk. Wash your hands before meals.
4. Don’t feed into their emotional outbursts: If your child misbehaves, stay calm and give them clear instruction to stop misbehaving and tell them what you would like them to do instead. For example: Please stop throwing your ball around in the living room. Please stop screaming. I can’t understand what you are saying when you scream. Use specific praise with your child if they stop. For example, thank you for taking your ball outside the living room.
5. Have realistic expectations: All children misbehave at times, and it is inevitable that you will have some discipline challenges. Trying to be the perfect parent, and expecting the perfectly behaved child, can set you up for frustration and disappointment. So, before you get really angry, step away and think about whether you need to manage your own expectations or your child’s misbehaviour. And then manage the situation calmly.
6. Don’t forget to take care of yourself: It is difficult to be a calm, relaxed parent if you are stressed, feeling anxious or down. Try to find time every day or at least once a week to let yourself unwind or do something that you enjoy. As parents it is difficult to do, but give yourself permission to take time for yourself. It really makes a difference.
7. Remember to give your child positive attention: If our children do not receive positive attention from us, they may choose to seek out negative attention. This is because negative attention is still attention, and any attention is better than being ignored. Remember to communicate with your child. Love and care are the greatest healers.
8. Guide your child through their mistakes & weaknesses: Punishing a child is not as effective as talking things through with her. Rather than focusing on weaknesses, identify their strengths and find ways to assist your child in developing to her full potential.
9. Avoid negative emotional reactions to your child’s behaviour: If your child has problems with control, negative responses like anger, sarcasm and ridicule will only make them feel worse. I really liked this short and mild verbal phrase/acronym to remind children to focus: L P.A. for Let’s Pay Attention. J Children love these short phrases.
10. Parent by example: Model what you expect. Think of your child as a mimic who will copy everything you do. If you make poor choices in behaviour, you are giving them permission to act in the same ways. Check in with yourself, and behave in the way you expect them to behave.
Some of you may already be using the above methods and some may need to begin thinking about this. Adopting some of these tips for your family may take a little adjusting, but stay with it, and you will see and love the results. When we take compassion and kindness with some firmness into parenting practices, we will have much better outcomes and the whole family will be happier and healthier.
Please Don’t ever give up on your child!
All of your child’s problems can be worked through with humour, goodwill and perseverance. With proper parental support, even the most troublesome children can become amazing people. I have experienced it time and again. Trust me.
One last word 🙂 I just cannot resist sharing the 4Cs of parenting.
The 4 Cs of Parenting
In addition to parenting skills that have been proven to be effective, there are also the 4 Cs of parenting. The 4 Cs of parenting are guiding principles to simplify the responsibilities of a parent. They include care, consistency, choice, and consequences.
Consistency
Stability in routine, environment, and behaviour. Children need a stable home environment to feel confident and secure. They need consistency to remain trusting of their caretakers.
Choice
This means allowing your child to become independent through the ability to make their own age-appropriate decisions and the opportunity to explore the world around them.
Care
A parent’s willingness to express affection and unconditional love for the child, accept the child for who she is, and support her in her growth and development.
Consequences
Children need to learn that their behaviours have consequences in order to inform their future behaviours. Create boundaries and support them in staying within those.
Mahenaz Mahmud
Team Leader SEL
PECHS Girls’ School